In a world where your worth is judged by your achievements in terms of rank in exams, tier 1 college & degrees, pay package, designation, company you work for/own, xbhk house you live in, luxury car you drive and on & on. I too got into the same rat race. A small city girl unaware of what lies next was treading the path seeing others for she thought this is the only thing in life to have a joyful and successful life. Amidst challenging situations back in childhood, she stepped out for her graduation into a world of incomprehensible race. A race where no one knows how will they get to that mirage of happiness at end while their endless days into a constant chatter of mind filled with expectations and chaos.
While I had been a good in academics, this didn't help me in navigating life's situations. I could reach till securing a job at a reputed organization and after this, I got tangled in managing people and work. The more I tried hard to resolve and work in a better way, somewhere a part of me was losing itself because during this process, self doubt started clouding me. Although I was able to complete the tasks assigned however, I wasn't able to take people's reactions and responding consciously. Parallelly, hunt for life partner had started and it actually took a complete toll as for various reasons, I wasn't feeling fulfilled and it took quite a time to finalize and tie a knot.
During the marriage process and office, I somehow felt that I am not enough or complete. Some said I'm quiet/mute person, shy/ has attitude, are scared of me, sad/depressed, selfish, rude, difficult person to be with, not confident, not reliable, and much more. And the girl who had stepped out of her home with so much determination and confidence in herself, started losing herself bit by bit as health was going down slowly. I was finding myself in my lowest phase of life, fearful and anxious.
After my one year of marriage and 8 years of work, I decided to heal myself first rather than taking promotions/recognition and satisfying everyone of their whims and fancies. I have chosen yoga and learning about self with which I resonate the most. I am focusing on my healing and bonding with loved ones and releasing which no longer serves me.
One major thing which I am reminding myself every now & then is that No Comparison! Since our past had been so different then how can our journeys look same? So, I embrace myself without any guilt and shame just the way I am and know that Universe has beautiful plans for me.
Love,
Keerti
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